


You Can Lead An Ostrich-Horse To Water

by LJF



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Codependency, Gen, No Dialogue, No Spoilers, Not Compliant with Avatar Comics, Not Shippy, POV Second Person, Post-Canon, Present Tense, i guess, in this house we stan supportive platonic relationships, is - Freeform, it's complicated - Freeform, maybe? - Freeform, some of this, you'll see - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-09 00:34:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27105814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LJF/pseuds/LJF
Summary: There is something achingly painful about watching someone you care about destroy themselves.(But, selfishly, there's somethingworse.)
Relationships: Azula & Ty Lee (Avatar)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 35





	You Can Lead An Ostrich-Horse To Water

There's something so painful about losing your best friend. Not to death, or to distance, but to _herself_. Something heartbreaking about seeing the girl you used to laugh and play with turn hard and cold.

There's something sickening about watching people begin to pull away from her, people who _should_ love her, because they can't handle what she's become. You want to scream, and rage, but you can't. Because you _understand_. You understand why they shy away, even if you wish you didn't. Because you _care_. (That's how you ended up here.)

So you make a vow, one she will never hear. You _know_ she needs help, that she's not healthy, that she's not exactly _sane_. But there's nothing you can do about it now. So you swear to stay by her side until the day _she_ realizes what she really needs. You'll stand behind her, patiently, until she's ready to cry on your shoulder. Because that's all you can do.

There's something devastating about watching someone you love destroy herself. Watching her hurt and destroy everyone around her, because she's hurt and destroyed on the inside.

There's something shattering about hearing her turn that bitterness against you. (Not because of the words themselves-- but because you realize she's so far gone, she doesn't care who she hurts anymore. She just wants the world to _burn_ , burn the way she's burning. Why are you the only one who can see that she's burning up on the inside?)

But you've made your choice, and you won't change your mind now. So you bite your tongue, bite it until it bleeds, and you can taste the salty-bitterness as it spills down your throat. (Later, when you're alone, you'll cry your eyes out. But right here, right now, you're just going to smile widely and hope she can't see the redness on your teeth.)

There's something terrifyingly easy about the moment you realize you _have_ to turn against her. Not because you've given up, but because you realize you _can't_ let her do this. Because someday (you hope) she'll have to look back at this day, and you don't want her to have made a mistake she won't be able to undo.

Yes, it's easy ( _far too easy_ ), but that doesn't make it hurt less. Doesn't make that look of betrayal in her eyes disappear. (That look is going to haunt your nightmares for years to come.)

There's something freeing about hearing the news that she's _shattered_. Not because you want revenge, but because now that she's finally fallen apart, she can get the help she needs. She can start to _heal_. (She was always broken. But now you're not the only one who can see it.)

Slowly, she starts to heal. She learns to accept that she does have a problem, but that she doesn't have to let it define her. She starts to smile again, and those smiles are more genuine than you've seen since you were children.

But.

But.

But something doesn't feel right. And you don't know what it is. It feels as though there's a splinter in your heart, but you can't find it, can't pull it out and examine it. Which is ridiculous. You should be thrilled! This is what you've dreamed of, prayed for, hoped against all hope would come true.

So why does it matter that her smile disappeared the moment she noticed you watching?

There's something gut-wrenching about realizing that she's been avoiding you. And you don't know why. Is it because of what you did? No, it can't be, she knows you did what you had to do, and she's thanked you for not letting her make the choice she would have regretted.

Maybe it's all in your head?

It's not. You see her smile with everyone else. Your other childhood friends, your new friends..... everyone gets to see the side of her. Everyone who isn't you.

You wrestle with these bitter feelings for weeks. This is what you _wanted_. It's selfish to wish for more.

(Is it so bad that, in all the years you spent waiting for this moment, you'd pictured her coming to _you_? You, who knew, and noticed, and was oh-so-patient? None of them saw the cracks you did. None of them tried to help before she was laying on the ground in pieces. So why do they get to be there for her now? Why don't _you_ get to be there?)

(You push those thoughts down. This isn't about you. This is about her. It's about what she needs. And if that isn't you, you should accept that.)

(It's always about her, isn't it? When does it get to be about _you_? When does it get to be about what _you_ need?)

(When did you become so selfish?)

You think about confronting her, but you can't. She's doing so well-- how can you even _consider_ interfering with that?

You think it might hurt less if she was at least _honest_ about it. If she said to your face that she'd rather you weren't around.

But she doesn't. When you approach, she puts on a tight ( _fake_ ) smile, and talks about anything and everything and nothing at all. She acts like nothing is wrong. (She's lying. Once upon a time, she was the most convincing liar you knew. Now, though, her nonchalance is glaringly obvious.) (To you, at least. No one else seems to notice. But they never noticed before, either, did they?)

(You shove that bitterness back in the box where it belongs.) (You ignore the fact that boxing up feelings is what got _her_ into trouble in the first place.)

And then, you discover that she's _leaving_. (She's been doing better, lately, but she still needs help. More importantly, she needs to get away from _here_ , the place that hurt her in the first place.)

You're not surprised. You always knew she wouldn't-- _couldn't_ \-- stay here forever. (You're not even surprised that you had to get the news secondhand. She doesn't tell you _anything_ important, these days.)

The others plan to write. You would, too, if you weren't so uncertain as to whether she'll actually _want_ to hear from you.

It's time you two had a talk.

And so, finally, you admit everything. How you saw the truth long before anyone else, how you'd decided to stand by until she was ready, because you knew she wouldn't be able to accept the truth until it was staring her in the face.

You tell her how happy you are that she's finally getting what she _needs_.

And you admit that you feel like a horrible person for wishing that she'd turn to you. Because it's not _about_ you.

All this time, you've never asked her what _she_ wants.

So now you do.

She's your friend. Your _best_ friend. But you're not sure if she really wants to be yours.

And you won't force her to maintain something that's hurting her.

It's what you'd suspected, in your heart of hearts. You were always there, and that's the _problem_. You've seen too much of her, more than anyone else, and she can't handle it. She loves you, but there's a part of her that also _hates_ you, and she feels horrible, because that's not fair of her, she was the one who hurt you, and she's a terrible person and-

You stop her. It's okay. You understand.

Someday, maybe, years from now, when both of you have changed, you'll see each other again. Maybe you'll even be friends.

But for now, you'll say goodbye. It's time for both of you to move on.

A few days later, she leaves. You hug her tightly, and then you let her go.

(You don't write.)

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on [tumblr](https://ljf613.tumblr.com/)!


End file.
